She was leaving a five year abusive and very controlling relationship with the father of her three month old daughter. In addition to the abuse, during the past three years, she had been homeless several times. Her abusive partner couldn’t keep a job and she was financially dependent on him, without stable income.
During her stay at DAWN’s House, Mary participated actively in all services we offered such as support groups, parenting workshops, coping skills support groups, etc. In addition, she was meeting on a very regular basis with advocates along with the mental health counselor. She didn’t even miss the opportunity to attend a tech safety class to learn more about safety and technology and she was able to get a free personal computer after participating in a computer literacy class. Mary gained knowledge about domestic violence and confidence regarding her safety and she was able to identify and utilize community resources to help her with her family’s needs.
On another note, Mary’s daughter was born premature due to the stress and physical abuse. When they arrived at the shelter, the baby was underweight and not meeting developmental milestones at her age but when they felt, the baby had gained a significant amount of weight and was close enough to development standards that doctors were no longer concerned.
Through DAWN’s programs and services, Mary and her daughter received subsidized permanent housing and ongoing case management. For the first time in many years, Mary and her daughter have their own stable home, free from abuse.
Ellen and her teenage son called to access our emergency shelter services. They had been calling for quite some time but all shelters were full. At that time they were living on the streets, often sleeping in doorways, but still feeling this was a safer option than living with her abusive husband. Ellen managed to change schools for her son’s safety but that meant a two and a half hour bus ride each morning for him to attend classes. This was already the third school for him that year due to fleeing the abusive household and having to relocate many times to avoid being found and consequently hurt. Ellen was determined her son’s education remain a priority as much as possible in the midst of the chaos.
We were able to house them in our emergency confidential shelter and it became clear that even with the best efforts of Ellen and her son, he was approximately half a year behind in credits and at risk of not graduating on time. Within days of arrival, he was enrolled in full-time high school, and both mom and son expressed being able to sleep better at night, eat regular meals and how much safer they felt. In a matter of weeks, her son was feeling safe enough to ask for and receive the support he needed to engage with his peers and trusted adults. Amazingly, by the end of the school year he had made up for the gap in credits through his extra work and the stability the family was experiencing.
This family moved to a transitional housing program and Ellen’s son was able to continue attending the same school with much success.
I am writing this "thank you" letter on the anniversary of spending the first night alone in my apartment after having the privilege of living at Dawn's House for almost three months. I very reluctantly moved out of Dawn’s House as I had no idea how I would continue to grow and change without the assistance of the amazing staff and resources available at the shelter. However, I knew from experience that many women needed and were waiting for the space I had been so fortunate to occupy.
Dawn's House was the beginning of, and the foundation for, an amazing personal transformation - a journey into the realm of finding authentic inner peace for the first time in my life. I am now 47 and the journey continues as I believe success is a journey, not a destination.
I entered Dawn's house convinced I was too broken to ever alleviate all the shame, fear and grief I felt for letting my life become a downward spiral of disaster. I was a grown woman who had at one time a very good job, a nice rented townhouse, decent credit, and a fully paid for nice SUV. How was it that only two years later I was homeless and had lost all the respect of my children, former friends and co-workers, family, etc. as well as my own self-respect?
However, from the very first moment I sat down with Ruqayyah to begin the intake paperwork, a sense of peace and safety began to permeate my awareness. From that day forth and through today, my inner light began to flicker and eventually shine again. I had tried to extinguish that light only six weeks prior, convinced I would be relieving my children of further disgrace and pain. But things worked out a bit differently. In hindsight I realize that was the first miracle of many more.
Countless little miracles have continued to occur for me since I entered the safe haven of Dawn's House. I was very hesitant to believe that the good feelings I began to have were real. I was unsure at first that the support from the advocates was actually real, so in the beginning, I admittedly looked for reasons not to believe these women were "for real." But the more I observed the more I saw all of the qualities I wanted to emulate again. Day in and day out and night in and night out, these women provided a pure example of integrity and dignity and respect for self and others that I had never witnessed in all my years in the work force. These "employees" were devoted to not just a job, but what I could see as their "life's work."
It then became apparent to me that Dawn's House offered so many wonderful amazing healing resources and all I had to do was say "yes!" Yes, I will meet with the two counselors, Gwen and Sarah, when they came to the shelter. Yes I will meet with the public health nurse, Sonja. Yes I will attend the support group and the house meeting. Yes, I will make the phone calls to the suggested organizations to request additional financial, legal, and housing assistance. And yes, I will be accountable as a member of this community housing by actively participating in chores, cooking and maintaining the confidentiality and safety of the other members and the shelter.
These "requirements" seemed so minimal and so totally reasonable that I felt I wanted to live there forever. I was hesitant to acknowledge that I was actually helping myself. I believe I owed ALL the credit to Dawn's House. However, I now am able to see that my willingness to accept the help which was offered and my commitment to follow through with my weekly goals were essential to the growth I have experienced. I did the work suggested, and Dawn's house provided the necessary emotional support and nurturing (not hand-holding) to help me help myself. I was compassionately and honestly taught the true meaning of empowerment.
Due to the decades of my experience of domestic violence, I had literally forgotten that my authentic self already had the qualities and did live by the values exemplified at Dawn’s House. So little by little and day by day I have learned to better trust myself and believe in my instincts and intuition. I doubt I would ever have come this far in healing and surviving DV, had it not been for Dawn’s staff and Dawn's outside resources. I had the privilege of continuing to work with Sara and Gwen for about a year after I left the shelter. I miss them greatly even today, but their words of wisdom and support are still actively with me. Additionally, my bedroom and kitchen still display the original handouts I received from Dawn's House which I hung up immediately: The Survivors Bill of Rights, Comes the Dawn, Ideas for Self-Care, The Non-Violence Wheel, Common Reactions to Abuse, Every One's Rights, and Red Flags.
THANK YOU to everyone at DAWN for all that you have given to me and the many others blessed by DAWN. I was am so proud and thrilled for you all each time I receive your monthly enewsletter and read 30 Great Things! I am especially excited about the progress and awareness you are helping to manifest in Olympia, and efforts to expand the shelter to offer others the same opportunity to heal as I was so generously offered.
I want to mention the gratitude I personally have to Belinda, Ruquyyah, Katrina, Ruth, Kaelyn, Krystal, Judit, and Sandi for all the support, kindness and wisdom I received from you. Sometimes even today I wish I could still live at Dawn's House. It can be quite challenging "out here" and I have learned how to set big boundaries for myself. I have had to start and then dissolve friendships down here as I am no longer willing to tolerate abuse and manipulation from any one including so called women friends. I have not been in any relationship for over two years now and from time to time feel like I am a bit isolated but I know through the empowerment I received from you all in the beginning, I CAN choose not to "settle" just for companionship. Thank you all so very much.
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